Exams

Examination of exams; an analysis of their effectiveness

Welcome to my first real blog entry. As some are aware, the start of this blog marked the completion and my liberation from the tyranny of examinations, and no doubt some have still yet to triumph to a borderline pass.

For everybody who has finished, I congratulate/offer my condolences to you. For those who haven’t, I highly, HIGHLY recommend you get off the internet and continue to cram... after you read my PEARLS OF WISDOM.

Tonight, I shall be analysing examinations from my perspective.

~ The Essence of Examinations

Have you ever stopped and thought about why the educational institutions insist on exams? Of course you haven’t; YOU’D BE CRAZY TO EVER STOP AND THINK OF EXAMS UNNECCESSARILY!! 

Detaining everybody in a room and making you fabricate a literacy diarrhoea of convolutions of which you had only studied the night before seems pointless but the blackmail of FAILURE makes you keep going right?

Well, this might be a crazy idea but maybe exams were created for that purpose; to make sure students study, it’s not like people study any other time during the year!

“WHERE’S THE PEARLS OF WISDOM?” I hear you all say, most likely in reference to the bubble tea you are all craving.

Coffee tastes better served when served by cute people <3

Case 1: Coffee tastes better served with love. AND LOOK~!!! THERE'S A HEART <3  ~!!! I feel special, especially since none of my other friends got a heart :3 (taken 2 hours before exams)

~ The Ruthless Results

So, what can you do about it?

To better analyse how you can most effectively prepare yourself for the dreaded results, i shall use a method involving the temporality of the situation.

1.       Immediately before exams

·         Sleep in (highly not recommended)

·         Cram

·         Cry

·         DO NOTHING

2.       During exams

·         Sleep

·         Cry

·         Do nothing

·         DO SOMETHING (highly recommended)

3.       Post examination period

·         Hmmm... I don’t think you can’t do anything differently than what you’ve already done...

In conclusion, NOTHING you can do can really affect the marks you get, especially after having writ the exams.

OR SO I THOUGHT until the morning of the exams.

I woke up on this day at an insane time of 5.55am and got to the venue at an insane time of 7:30am (this is 2 hours before the exams!!!). The reason I was insane enough to do this was because my friend offered me a lift to exams and living on the west side, this is really, REALLY rare; thus cherished like the last bubble on bubble wrap – you abuse it anyway!

Anyway, on our journey, there was a truck which was driving whilst being tilted on one side. I could imagine it just taking a turn and rolling over on its back like a turtle; only this turtle was 4 tonnes heavy and four times the size of our car. And while turtles harmlessly flailing its legs in the air, I’m sure this accident will involve high speed explosions crushing MILLIONS of cars in its path of DESTRUCTION.

But I digress, I asked my friend, “Would you stop and help someone if there was an accident?”

At this point, I had an epiphany, making my friend’s response irrelevant (although I hope he will help me if I get into a BURNING WRECK of INTESTINAL EXCRETEMENT~).

I realised that if there was an accident, stopping to help will be a traumatic experience, I’m sure you’d be able to apply for special considerations and somehow pass without needing to complete the exam.

Morale of the story: find a BLOODY HELLFIRE of an accident and turn up to exams covered with BLOOD!

Case 2: Turn up to exams covered with... tomato sauce :P consumption of this ambiguous substance is not recommended.

I HOPE EVERYONE DID WELL FOR THEIR EXAMS

On a more serious note, as of yesterday, the number of fatalities on Australian Victorian roads was 263, up from last year; 6.5 deaths per 100,000.

Please drive safely,

Love `.tb